Thursday, December 22, 2011

Football jokes from The Guardian

--- ...thundered a City statement before insisting that the club couldn't be more committed to transparency if it stuck a wedding ring on its finger and sired its children.

--- "Can I be one of 1,057 Bible-toting pedants to point out that Jesus would have had a hard time fixing anything in Sodom on a wet Wednesday (yesterday's Fiver), given that His Dad had destroyed the city a good while before he was born?" - Mark Rae (and one other Bible-toting pedant).

--- ...in temperatures Satan himself would have objected to as excessively hot...

--- Arsenal want the Birmingham defender Scott Dann, despite him being a real-life defender

--- Chelsea manager André Villas-Boas may open talks with Kaká instead. The Brazilian famously belongs to Jesus, who currently sub-lets him to Spanish club Real Madrid

--- Foster could initially move on loan, giving Roy Hodgson time to see if the 28-year-old is a big enough galoot to fill Scott Carson's recently vacated oversized clown shoes.

--- Dirk Kuyt has insisted he's staying put despite strong interest from Internazionale, who are looking to inject a lack of pace into their front line.

--- With new captain Robin van Persie suspended for the crime of shooting on goal while wearing an Arsenal shirt, Udinese will now face a forward line of Marouane Chamakh, Andriy Arshavin and Gervinho. While on the bench there could be places for such junior hopefuls as exciting Keith Pot-Noodle, the current captain of Malaysia's all-conquering Under-12s and an as-yet-unnamed Brazilian foetus of indeterminate gender.

--- "I'm starting to think you're making up your relatives. Weird Nephew Fiver implies Wired Uncle Fiver has at least once ... well, you know ... with a lady, and that's just not plausible" - Matt Corbishley (and others).

--- Marseille want to pay £6m worth of real money for the flailing goal-hulk Carlton "Can't Buy A Goal" Cole. Didier Deschamps's team have scored only 17 times in 16 Ligue 1 games this season, a situation that will no doubt change completely the moment Carlton "Can't Control" Cole arrives in town with his red and white handkerchief on a knotty stick slung over his shoulder.

--- Having got shot of Sotirios Kyrgiakos, Liverpool are in the market for a defender to sit alongside Martin Skrtel on the bench.

Football jokes from The Guardian

--- ...thundered a City statement before insisting that the club couldn't be more committed to transparency if it stuck a wedding ring on its finger and sired its children.

--- "Can I be one of 1,057 Bible-toting pedants to point out that Jesus would have had a hard time fixing anything in Sodom on a wet Wednesday (yesterday's Fiver), given that His Dad had destroyed the city a good while before he was born?" - Mark Rae (and one other Bible-toting pedant).

--- ...in temperatures Satan himself would have objected to as excessively hot...

--- Arsenal want the Birmingham defender Scott Dann, despite him being a real-life defender

--- Chelsea manager André Villas-Boas may open talks with Kaká instead. The Brazilian famously belongs to Jesus, who currently sub-lets him to Spanish club Real Madrid

--- Foster could initially move on loan, giving Roy Hodgson time to see if the 28-year-old is a big enough galoot to fill Scott Carson's recently vacated oversized clown shoes.

--- Dirk Kuyt has insisted he's staying put despite strong interest from Internazionale, who are looking to inject a lack of pace into their front line.

--- With new captain Robin van Persie suspended for the crime of shooting on goal while wearing an Arsenal shirt, Udinese will now face a forward line of Marouane Chamakh, Andriy Arshavin and Gervinho. While on the bench there could be places for such junior hopefuls as exciting Keith Pot-Noodle, the current captain of Malaysia's all-conquering Under-12s and an as-yet-unnamed Brazilian foetus of indeterminate gender.

--- "I'm starting to think you're making up your relatives. Weird Nephew Fiver implies Wired Uncle Fiver has at least once ... well, you know ... with a lady, and that's just not plausible" - Matt Corbishley (and others).

--- Marseille want to pay £6m worth of real money for the flailing goal-hulk Carlton "Can't Buy A Goal" Cole. Didier Deschamps's team have scored only 17 times in 16 Ligue 1 games this season, a situation that will no doubt change completely the moment Carlton "Can't Control" Cole arrives in town with his red and white handkerchief on a knotty stick slung over his shoulder.

--- Having got shot of Sotirios Kyrgiakos, Liverpool are in the market for a defender to sit alongside Martin Skrtel on the bench.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Vision

I have a vision of a beauty so pristine,
Such as on earth never has been seen.
Sculpted from snow her form exquisite,
Mesmeric her gaze, her smile's hypnotic.
Her spirit wilder than wildest flames,
Toys with hearts, plays tenuous games.
Darkest of shadows she makes light,
All my life's wrongs she makes right.
Defying all of nature's laws,
She truly is... without flaws.
But such flawless beauty on this earth cannot be,
Visible not to mortal eyes, only to ethereal eyes is she.
In high heavens she is, not on this earth low,
For when He'd created her, even He couldn't let her go!

--- dreamcatcher

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Hannibal's Haiku

Night heron revealed
By the rising harvest moon
Which is lovelier?

Thursday, December 01, 2011

damn you, love!

restless days, sleepless nights.
insanity draws closer.
damn you, love!

--- dreamcatcher